don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
bring money and cleavage
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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