so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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