Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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