I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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