i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
