i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
