I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
