I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
