I heard we made out
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
