did you get engaged???
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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