Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
