you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
