Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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