You made me cry and you don't even care
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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