his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
