I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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