And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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