I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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