So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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