I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
