am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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