apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
