How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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