my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
