remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i barfeds in our rink
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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