doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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