is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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