She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
