we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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