The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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