were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
