Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
