so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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