your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
