Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
