your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
