I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
