my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
