i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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