mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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