Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
NoShamevember. You game?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
