I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
