Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
