I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
