Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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