Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
