do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
