weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
