At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
