Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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