I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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