i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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