My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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