I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
