a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
