Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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