glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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