okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
