So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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