Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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