I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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