Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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