There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
