My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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