My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
