Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
