it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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