i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
